Exams are over!

After having had 2 weeks of exams, I can finally announce that I AM DONE!
It wasn't exactly that bad. But trust me, it's no fun having exams.
Not that I am pressured to do well or anything. But just the entire idea of having to write essays again in a speedy 1.5hr or do pracs again under the close scrutiny of lecturers just is NO FUN.
Whatever it is, it's over.
Just have to wait and see if I have to do a repeat test in any of the areas. And I sure do hope not!

I had fun playing word scrabble with Jasmine over the dinner table. haha. She would write the words, with the alphabets all jumbled up and then make me guess. heh. And there was one particular one where I didn't get after starring at it for a very long time. Its:

LUEB

I don't know why I didn't see it, or managed to figure it out. It turned out to be a very simple BLUE. I bet you didn't get it too. DON'T LIE! She was very happy because I really couldn't figure this one out.

Hibernation

It's getting cold here in the mornings and the nights.
Don't get me wrong. I love the cold. It makes me smell nicer, feel nicer and look nicer. :)
But it's torturous to get up in the morning.
I suspect I have chromosomes of a bear.
Cold weather = hibernation.
I can't get myself up from deep slumber. BAD.

Apples

Mum and I followed a whole big group of people to a few orchards.
And of course fruits there, are sold in crates.
Each family ended up bringing home loads.



I am definitely not a fan of fruits.
But Mum and I returned with quite a bit!
An amount that I would have reckon, too much to finish.
That was about 2 weeks ago.

I realised this morning that I still had left over apples till NOW.
Apples MUST NOT be wasted. Right?
And I definitely can't consume so many way-too-ripe apples.
Don't have time for a fancy recipe...
So... with my trusty internet google search engine, I decided that my apples should be turned into this:
Looks good huh?

Yeah. ALL recipe pictures look good.
Don't be fooled when they tell you how easy it is, how it gives you an impression of what it would look like. Cause, it never looks as good.

The best thing about baking here, is having an assistant. Introducing my lovely assistant.... JASMINE!

We had fun together. I was cutting up the apples, while she decided that they were irresistable. Several pieces went right into her mouth. She inisists that apples with the red skin are sweet. Green are not. So there was this quality check process. All those with too much green, were eaten on the spot. I approve of eating whilst cooking. Definitely a good thing to do. haha.

Joyce subscribed a montly magazine for Jasmine, and it comes with cooking utensils. Jasmine finally had a chance to USE THEM. All dressed up for baking, with the apron and all, we laid the apples slice by slice. It was great fun.


After she tried a piece of the galette, she said thank you to herself for making the pie. haha. Sh'e such a dear.

Oh yes. want to see the stark contrast between what the galette was supposed to look like versus what it turned out looking like?

Here goes:
OK. It really is quite big a difference. But. taste wise. Not bad! And. apples were NOT wasted. (:

Complaints

Heh. I've received complaints that this blog is VERY under-utilised.
And I agree.
Just realised the last post was sometime last year.
The truth is, I don't know how many people actually read this thing!
haha. Since I have had 2 people complaining, then I believe there are at least 2.
And these 2, are worth blogging for. (:

Yep. I am now downunder.
How I got here, is probably no small thing - at least to me.
Although it's been 3 months+ now that I've been here, it still amazes me at the timing, and the several disappointments before the final 'approval' to my being here.
It makes the being here, at this specific time, much more special.
And yes I am more than grateful.
I've been very blessed ever since I came.
Nothing difficult has occured (and I hope not really)
I am truly experiencing life abroad, I probably never thought I had the guts for, nor the chance to.
It's, new.

Everything is. Landscape, weather, the place where I hang out most, the roads, the people I meet with, the things I do now. really EVERYTHING.
But of course with 3 months and coming, some things are starting to be not-so-new.
With this change, I am more appreciative of the good stuff I have back home. At the same time, telling myself to enjoy whatever I am getting here, which may be absolutely impossible to bring back. Heh. Want a concrete example? MY CAR.

I would love to bring the car I have now back home. Of course to have one back home is sheer luxury. For now, having a car, is just great. I can go places, at whatever time I want. And the best thing is.... driving. The personal time and space to just let your mind turn blank. (don't worry. it's active enough to keep my eyes on the road and prevent an accident). Sounds like a big contradiction because, I do have quite a lot of personal space and time here. hahaha.
Yeah. Simply said, I just like driving (without the traffic jams of course).

One thing I miss? Spending time with the people who are dear to me.
If I could ship these special people over to be with me... trust me. I WOULD.
I miss having the perfect company for coffee, for meals, for movies, for just lazing around doing nothing, for talking rubbish, for spilling my heartfelt thoughts.

It's going to be the end of first semester already. In that sense, time is moving along pretty quickly. Hopefully, my next post won't be the end of 2nd semester. (: heh.

Keep going!

The only thing that could be constant is change.
Bet you have heard that one before.
It doesn't take half as much effort to believe that, as to live through that.
That's for me of course.

Within hours, days, months. So much has changed.
Time waits for no man. We just have to move along.
Mooovvvveeeee.......

Just once more?

Through a few instances, it's difficult to really understand why certain things happen.
I seem to have the ability to ignore, or believe what I want to believe and ignore.
Whether that came from giving the benefit of the doubt, or insisting that there is something to have spurred the mutual trust, it led on to episodes that created hurt.

Defence mechanisms are created because we have lost that turst, and we want to protect ourselves.
Of course, we earn the right to have that in place. It's actually wise to want to protect, love oneself. But yet, there is still that inkling desire to try it again once more.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from nothing to earth into Eternity

Thinking

I have started thinking about things I never thought I did get down to doing.
It's funny how things just come about. How you can't run away from it.

Spending time thinking about thing isn't exactly bad. At least not until the focus goes all wrong and... makes you focus on the negative stuff (which I am so prone of doing).

As I think about things more and more, sometimes, I don't gain perspective. I become more confused. heh.

I'm 23

When i was younger, people used to tell me that once you reach the twenties, time passes very fast. just blink and you did see 22-23-24-25-26... just flash past you. I think I am understanding what that actually means. I am 23.

Honestly, the chronological age of 23 seems not to carry much weight. As I look around me and think about what a 23 year old should be like, there isn't really an age limit, nor a norm to what that age carries.

I don't usually get identified as someone who's in her early twenties. Contrary to the fact that people think I would get offended because that would mean I am OLD, I take pride to the fact that I act older or rather, higher level of maturity. haha

What we do with our years is very important. The decisions we make, how we shape our lives, the growth and the personality, etc. Those are the things that determine age. Not exactly just the number of hours or days someone has roamed this earth.

Should a 23 year old be someone who's independent and able to determine what she wants in life? Or able to understand the difference between idealism and realism? Or be able to place others first before herself? Or able to love someone else so much so to enter marriage? Or able to take tough situations in her own stride? Or be able to accept injustice in an obviously unjust world?

What is it exactly that makes you - YOUR AGE?

Bad decisions

In life, we make a lot of bad decisions. Although they may seem so small and insignificant. But you never know the impact of these decisions.

I know to drink or not to drink is such a simple decision. But the temptation of the bitter sweet coffee is just too difficult to resist.

Drink, and I thought I could combat the palpitations, and tremors in the hands.

Who knows that the caffeine would have turned on every trigger point in my neck.

Crap. This is a bad decision

Why you should do what you should do.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered -- forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives -- be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies -- succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you -- be honest and frank anyway
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight -- build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous -- be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow -- do good anyway
Give the world your best, and it may never be enough -- give the world your best anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway
~ Mother Teresa

First time in a long while.

Nov 2007 was my last post. That's really long ago isn't it. almost like say 4 months.

4 months zoomed past.

Standing at this point and looking back from since 2007, I would think that, nothing much has essentially changed. I am still getting used to what people call working life. Problem with working is, the amount of choices you have compared to when studying drops. Instructions are dropped on you like directives. Even if you were to think it is stupid, or inefficient, you just have to follow along because, it's work. The situation is less predictable. And what others choose to do, or choose not to do, directly affects you.

I am still learning to cut the 24h pie into its necessary bits and pieces. I won't say that I have consistent success. The fluctuating hunger from different needs and wants makes things slightly more difficult. Just spurts of success already makes me pretty satisfied. Low expectation is the key word. ha. The current book that I am reading told me to just cut the pie and stick with it. That is a challenge. The dilemma between react and ignore is non-existent because ignorance is something I struggle to even identify.

What makes someone successful has a whole different recipe in the workplace, different also with age, different also with time and different also with each individual. To me, that success comes from just knowing that I am trotting along the right path, keeping the big guy up there pleased.

lost

Have you ever felt lost?
It's when you don't know where you are, why you are there, how you got here, and where you are getting to from there.

Probably the only positive thing is, the actual knowledge that you are lost.

But is the knowledge of knowing you are lost, something good or something bad?

And since I know I am lost. What am I still doing?

LOST!

Phew

Comfort zones are not comfort zones unless they are comfortable.
And why would anyone not like comfort zones since they are comfortable?
Oh yes. there are people in this world who actually like the challenge of changes.

Moving away from comfort zones are the most punishing periods for me.
Adaptation doesn't take quite that long as the mental process of knowing that change is going to take place. Which effectively mean I am paranoial.
Yupz. I am paranoid.

Welcome to my world.
It's where the thoughts of the mind play; to cause chaos to the emotions. Crazy as it all sounds, it actually happens.
Entertaining each thought and postulating each possibility. You would almost think I have nothing else better to do with my time and energy. At the end of the day, I will turn my thoughts to prepare for impending doom.

As I step into my lion's den, I miss my comfort zone lots... But the lions are lying low, minding their own business. I must say, phew...

Long time no see

I've been asked where I've been.
I've been many places, experienced many things just within this very short period of time.
Knowing that the new chapters are just unfolding before my eyes faster than I can actually grasp. Many atimes, I wish I had a 'slow play' button or even a 'pause' button.
When things just run on autopilot mode, there is just not enough time to think, to feel, to ask, to wonder, to slack. You get the idea.

With the 1440 minutes in my hands every time I open my eyes to a brand new day, I ask myself how much of it is actually within my control. There is no doubt, the freshness of being at this point of my life is pretty cool. But the freshness is not lasting long enough for me savour. The unfortunate thing is, I am not coping well with the speed at which everything is fleeting past. My balance scale is tipped. Tipped so bad, I don't know where to begin to bring it back to equilibrium. There are certain times when I would rather not want anything done. While at other points, I know I should get my lazy butt off and straighten things out.
The dilemma of it all is just simply procrastination. Crazy as it may seem, it's all an internalized struggle.

If you think I am painting an all too sombre picture, that's not exactly true. Life is still pretty fulfilling and fun. I am starting to understand things from different perspectives, experience different challenges, and the most fun so far is to have additions to my circle of friends.

You know how tough it is when you get older (unfortunately). Making good friends is not as simple. It takes that chemistry, without the airs, knowing that being who you are and what you believe, fits the mutual comfort zones. For a person like me who just adores comfort zones, you have no idea what a relief it is to me, just to know that there is no need for me to draw boundaries and watch where I am treadding.

Today I found the time to ponder for a moment, and think if all has been well. And I say with assurance that I am still sane. Still here. And this present time, the scale is slowly tipping back. I am sure it would reach equilibrium. But not without inertia.

All done

It's weird.
More like... I don't know why I don't feel that exhilaration.

I thought I would feel like I am on cloud nine when I finish my paper.
But I didn't feel like that.

No matter what, it marks the end of this 3 year long journey.
No more classes, no more tutorials, lectures, practicals, exams, attachments and the list goes on.

Similarly, no more macdonald's snack every 2-3 hours, super rings, lying along the physio corridor as if it's my house, talking in class, chocolates, and all sorts of ridiculous stuff when we are supposed to be doing group discussion.

Memories. All these will now join the book of memories.

I am proud to say, that this journey comes to an end, with a smile.

YEAH!

It's finally over! The final-year project presentation is done. Thanks for all who prayed and asked. It went well. God has been great.

A HUGE load off my shoulders I tell you.

Now and Then

The end of school is coming.
And I can barely believe.
But these next 2 weeks will be hard work.

I remember on the first day, I asked myself how would I ever survive.
Guess what. Now I wonder why I asked that question.

Crossroads

I haven't been here for a really long time.
Time really flies. Just looking at the past entries, I realised I am at a phase, where, life is about to take a bend.
The path is just reaching a crossroad. To choose which, brings anticipation and excitement but also anxiousness and fear.
I've found what it takes to walk this path. Adaptation wasn't key. Passion is.
I've found it.
This path is coming to an end. Which bend should I take?

bits of everyday

Events just fly past.
It's been the attachments for the past 1 month. This time, it's slightly different cause most of my friends are overseas doing theirs. But God has been good. Things have been going well for attachment. In fact, I think the fact that my friends are away, made communication even more consistent compared to when they are around. (: And made me trust God even more to the everyday at work.

Results came back. God has been good too. No complains, I can only say that there were results unexpected. Both positively and negatively. God knows best. And He has shown it.

This year, I didn't get to go for YWAV Camp because of attachments. It was a pretty weird feeling maybe cause I didn't know what was really going on, didn't feel as involved in previous years. I watched things just unfold, feeling a little worried along the way for the rest of the leadership being short-handed and all.
Even up to the meeting before the camp, I still felt this untypical feeling. It wasn't anticipation, it wasn't worry. I can't put a finger to what it is.
SMS came to say that Joani sprained her ankle, I had no jittery feeling. In fact, I felt that it was God's way to say, we are not short-handed. We don't need to worry and source for help in this manner, leave it all to Him.
And this proved true. So true. When I went in to visit on Tuesday night to experience for myself exactly what Bell was trying to describe to me over the sms about Monday's prayer and praise. Everything wasn't like what I thought or what was planned or thought to be. There weren't many friends. It was more like a camp really to give our youths a chance to check on their faith and once again pledge their allegience. Purely that. With not our program or our theme. But with the Holy Spirit touching our hearts. Searching into the depths of it and you can almost hear God saying "I'm here YWAV."
True worship was experienced that night. It's amazing. Left me in awe of God's power.

The number of people who came for prayer affirmed the change that the ministry is having.
The only other time where there was such a good turnout was when we had the prayer before our first reach service. Difference is, I know this time they came not because they had to come to church early but rather that they wanted to come and pray. Come and meet God, fellowship in prayer with fellow believers. It's so exciting.

Besides all the ministry stuff, there was Serene's birthday surprise. heh.
It is another successful surprise added to our surprise list. (:
I'm glad we all have fun doing this for one another. heh

I have one more week of attachments. Can't wait for it to be all over! Then it's time to prepare for Christmas! Can't wait.

Simple Joy

Different things make people happy. Some are really difficult to satisfy, while others have expectations so high, it's just impossible to reach.
In pursuing a career, there must be sufficent passion. If not, it will just be a plain job.
I have barely started carving out my career. But the hands-on training definitely prepares me to see what things would be like. My role, my influence, my expectations... etc.

The people I meet nowadays have very basic, simple desires. To be able to cough out phlegm, to be able to speak, to be able to sit up in bed, to be able to stand, walk, climb the stairs.

As I saw the joy in one of my patients who could finally talk, cough on her own... the sparkle in her eyes showed joy that I have yet seen in many others more blessed than her. And you can bet she was excited. She just kept talking and talking because she hasn't been heard for 2-3 months. Smile.

We placed her on a wheelchair, and let her wheel herself around the ward. The smile, the excitement, just to be able to venture beyond the boundaries of her bed was almost unbelievable. Although she had to stop countless of times due to breathlessness and weakness, the joy was plastered on her face. Nothing, absolutely nothing was going to destroy this simple joy. And I know she was delighted.

This is probably why, this job, is not just a job.

Back

Haven't been around for such a long time.
Couldn't help it.
I have been sleeping at 11.30 each night! Yup you would probably have guessed. It's attachment time again. Yeah.
Seeing different patients and helping them with my PROFESSIONAL knowledge. HAHAHA.
I am supposed to be offering it.
Yesterday I saw the son of a patient scolding the nurses on attachment because of their inability to give his mother optimal attention and care. Poor things.
Hopefully in the last 1 week, I will not have such a memorable occurence.

Everything has been going smoothly. Thank God.

Saturated

Sinking deeper and deeper into depression. It was the first in such a long time that I was so frustrated internally. And I just needed a reason to get stuff off my chest. Top it off with an immense lack of sleep, you definitely get one grouchy girl. I won't consider myself grouchy or difficult to please but for the last 3-4 hours I was seriously untouchable.

I bet this is accumulated. STRESS. ha. My psycho knowledge is put into good use. Yup I agree that stress just comes from me. Internally. Nobody made me feel that way. But Yeah... external factors causes the internal tension.

The one thing that kept my sanity this week was forbidden city. It was definitely a gift from not only Aunty Sally but from God. I just needed time off. And yes. It came. I enjoyed the company and the show so much. As usual, muscials and stage productions always bring back this nostalgic feeling. Its causing me to think and feel a little too much.

I definitely was looking forward to catching "Devil wears Prada" with somebody. Someone. I am desperate enough to even say something. ha. But yeah. I can't. I am hoping for a breather before the attachment starts, but somehow, things just ain't the way I planned it I guess.
I hope I will be in good shape on Monday for the attachment. I really pray that things will turn out right. Not that I would score A for it. But just to make sure that my patients are safe in my hands, no mistakes, slips, errors. (:

So many things that are in my mind, it's saturated once again.

My vision

Woke up this morning with a fright...

...We were given the list of postings for attachments. Guess what. My name didn't appear on that list. When I scanned down... the only trace on my name was under the category: No need to make up. When I asked my teacher, why am I not posted anywhere, he just gave his signature laughter and shrugged it off...

And I woke up. Feeling a little stunned.
I hope this doesn't mean anything.

Call it stressed, anxiety, fear, nervousness, whatever you want.
It exists.
Telling myself to place it at the foot of the cross isn't as simple when it comes to practical terms

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee, and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight
Thou my soul's shelter, and Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

High King of heaven, after victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

First presentation

Our group presentation went great. Thank God. (:
One down. One more to go.
Will be at NUH tml presenting our research proposal.

Tired

Eyes are blurred by the constant glare of this screen.
Been working on this research literature review for the past week.
Pretty tired working on it. Not mentally but physically.

Night lessons have started
Every Thursday and Friday night.
Had Saturday lessons today too.

I am tired.

Got GOLD!

I completed NAPFA! And I managed a gold! Never thought I could make it through the inclined pull ups. I proved myself wrong. I managed 11! hahahaha.

NAPFA!

PE periods were a thing of the past. But NAPFA test is still to haunt.
What makes NAPFA worse is when there is no PE to maintain fitness.
It's all up to your own motivation and discipline.

I remember when I was in J2, while I was running my last 400 m in my 2.4km run, my greatest motivation was telling myself that after this last 400m, I will never in my life have to make myself go through this ordeal again.But guess what. That last 400m sprint is now a lie. I have to do it again.

I have yet another chance to psycho myself in that same way. Oh but my greatest fear is not the 2.4km run. It's the inclined pull-ups. For those of you who have forgotten what this is, it's a bar, placed above you while you are inclined (pivot with your feet on the ground), and lift yourself up. Only when your chin crosses a bar, will it be considered a successful one. I. Being a considerably STRONG physio, who lifts patients and rubs and massages, and mobilises, cannot... CANNOT do more than 3 (which means I fail). I insist that this is not an objective measurement of my arm strength. It is not valid nor reliable. As much as I complain about it, I have no choice but to do it. Hopefully, with the miraculous physics theory my friend enlightened me about, and the cheering of my friends, and psycho-ing myself that this would really be my last time doing NAPFA, I would get through this well.

Take time

It's been a really really long time since I came here.
Hesitated before I actually entered in my username and password.
School started.
And school is really turning to be a little tough.
Maybe it's 3rd year syndrome. Everyone just gets a little too uptight about things.
Needing to meet targets. Remembering that we would soon be practising physios but yet seem to understand nothing. There is just so much to do, with so little time.
I used to be able to segregate school work with personal life. Doesn't seem to be possible anymore. I can't snap out of thinking about school work. And that's why the word stress actually comes in.

And it's sipping into every part of my life. I hope I don't reach the stage of being paranoid about academics. Because I strongly believe that that's not it. Being paranoid about school means... ruined life. haha.

There is so much thinking to do in many aspects. And things just keep popping up. I really hope that I would have sufficient time to think through everything. As of how this song just kept ringing in my head during QT this morning...

"Let's take time to wait upon the Lord
Let's take time to listen to His voice
Unless the Lord builds the house
They labour in vain
So let's take time to wait upon the Lord"

I want to be able to do that. And I pray that I will.

Back

It's my first trip away without any adults. And it is pretty special because I went with Nat and Adeline. To a land which I honestly love. Too many reasons why I like Hong Kong. (:
We took a budget airline, which Adeline ended up understanding why it's budget.
Being too tall for her own good, she barely had 2 cm of leg space between her knees and the chair in front. Yes. She tried reclining her seat. Which moved a whooping 5-10 degrees, making absolutely no significant difference.
Nope, you get absolutely nothing for free. Not even a drop of water.
She tried asking for immigration card into Hong Kong, I think for 5-6 times, where her request was conveniently forgotten or ignored. heh.
But being a budget traveller, she admits she will still take the budget airlines.

Everyday started with shopping, and continued with shopping and ended with shopping. The only thing that interjected it, was eating. So... the advertisement which says mai dong xi, chi dong xi, ran hou mai dong xi, chi dong xi. Is pretty much accurate. It was a true test of self control. Like restraining myself from buying the TV serials. They were SO absolutely tempting.

Oh. We did ONE. Yup. Just ONE more thing besides shopping and eating. We visited the Wishing tree. It's like one of Hong Kong's most famous backdrop in shows. Something like that. And we (I have to add only Adeline and myself wanted to see that tree), were disappointed. The tree is resting. Yup. You read it right. The wishing tree was in a period of rehabilitation. Kinda means that people can't make wishes. Or rather, had to make wishes in alternative methods. And it means making wishes, with no relation to the tree. It was made near the tree though. Ha.And the amazing thing is, people still made wishes. In the alternative method. I wonder if anyone actually thinks about how effective or what really makes the wishes come true. If the wishing tree is no longer a wishing tree, is it still a wishing tree? This is confusing.


The amount of stuff we bought is truly amazing. Our luggaes (Adeline and myself only), were pretty much FULL. Nat wins the record of buying stuff and making them weightless. Her luggage at the end of the trip was only 6.4kg. Adeline's 19.2kg. Mine. hehe. 21.6kg. (this does not include hand luggage). And we lugged all our stuff and took the MTR back to the airport. It's a pretty long journey if you don't know. And the luggages were anything but light. I must stress that we were BUDGET travellers. Oh. But we did survive.

God was really good to us throughout the trip. We didn't get lost. We got great food at cheap prices. We got great stuff at cheap prices. And most of all we had wonderful weather. In a period where it's supposed to rain a lot, we had 4 days of sunshine. No rain whatsoever. God is good. The rain only came when we were about to leave. Had the honour of experiencing a black storm. Hong Kong codes their storms by colour. And black is the worst. It actually means that a typhoon might be coming. Being sua-koos from Singapore and only experienced thunderstorms, we braved the black storm with light-weighted umbrellas to eat dim sum that morning. The strong winds turned our umbrella upside down and Nat had to respond by SCREAMING. It's just to announce to everyone else that we weren't locals and we have NEVER been in a storm like that. The storm didn't prove to be that funny anymore when it continued till the time we had to leave for Singapore. The storm delayed our flight for 3 hours. While I was happily absorbed in one of the Hong Kong Entertainment magazines with Adeline, Nat was staring blankly into space. We were glad that we managed to take off. Having only HK$4 left in my pocket between the 3 of us, if we had to stay over night at the airport, we would be worse than budget travellers. We did be POOR travellers. You can't do anything with HK$4. It's less than S$1.

We did touch down safely Saturday morning. Thank God.
It was a great and memorable trip.
I did enough shopping to last me another 2 years.
Now my friends, you would understand why I don't shop here. (:

Wonderful Birthday Week

This is my birthday week.
It started off with the most memorable Sunday of my life.
I crashed the car into a pillar.
Needless to say, it's due to my sheer carelessness.
It was traumatic.
I was still am shocked.
The dimple of the car is pretty deep.
Although my dad has already sent to car for some kind of repair that cost him $40.
The mark of my carelessness will be there forever.
Gosh.
This is the start of the week.

Today, to top it off,
I found this huge mess under my table.
My supposed hot and inviting afternoon tea with honey which I brewed for my Sunday class,
was left forgotten after the class because of the wonderful accident between the car, pillar and me.
AND. with much disaster, the tea spilled out from my container. (which has not happened before). And all this tea with honey was well soaked up by all the handouts given by the teacher - Johnson Lim, the handouts given by Violet for the upcoming CIA... AND THE WORST ABOVE ALL! MY BIBLE.
I can't tell you how much it hurts to see my Bible in that state.
The tea... STAINED the Bible.
The liquid... SOAKED the Bible
The honey... made my Bible STINK!!!!!
As I left the Bible on the table to clear the mess in the bag first which was obviously the worst...
I came back to see FLIES on my BIBLE!!!!!
Can you believe that!

My previous Bible that I used... lasted me since I was 7 till I was 19!
And this beautiful precious Bible which is a present for my baptism and Christmas....
Is RUINED in less than 2 years!!!!!!
I don't know what to say about myself.
I hope this week comes to a close without any more accidents, mishaps, problems, messess.

This is getting really painful.

Holidays? Or not

The attachments are over. Holidays are here! But what's going to be released is...
the results for this semester. And you can bet that I am worried. Regarding which module specifically? THE SAME one. Musculoskeletal. It's the one where the teacher told me to get ready to take the supplementary paper last semester. And I have this sinking feeling that, I may have to take it. Gosh. SAME module. I don't seem to be confident in this area at all. Apparantly, as rumour has it, results will be out on Monday. Hopefully I am able to pull my GPA to something higher instead of on the line. The GPA is giving out amber light. I need at least a 3/4 to get into a university in Australia. I am having that. But barely there. (:
I already checked the dates for supplementary paper. For musculoskeletal, it's 31st May. Please pray I have a good, peaceful, blessed birthday. Instead of one where I mug, so hard for this supplementary paper. This won't be my idea of unforgettable 21st birthday celebration.

Yesterday, after attachments ended, we all went back to school to seal our fate for the next one year. Yep. We have our final year project groups. And choosing which topics and who to work with, would more or less predict the amount of sleepless nights and darkened eye bags. I believe that we would all begin with enthusiasm. (I hope I am not being overly positive here). I only pray that the final year project be something we enjoy. Not only in doing, but the relationship that comes with working as a group. Working with people that we have not worked with before might start off sparks. Or may start causing friction. (:

Tired

I wonder if I can attribute everything to hormones.
I guess I can't.
Maybe it's just being tired after work.
I am irritable these days. But over the same stuff.
It's always the same question that rings in my head.
Making it all the more WORSE.
And when I am irritable, I prevent squabbles and quarrels from arising by...
hiding. Keeping to myself. Hopefully I return to normal soon.

On the other hand, the good thing is...
only 2 more days to the end of attachment.
God has carried me through by giving me the worst first.
And made everything seem better when compared to it.
So clever right?
And right now, with grades all settled and just looking forward to the last hour,
I can't wait.

I think when I leave it all into His hands asking for Him to bless each day...
He has His way of seeing me through.
And He has for the last 13 weeks.
Although I am tired.
And the last 2 days is going to be so dreadful and long
I know I will finish it. And finish it as well as possible.

God In Action

When we pray, our God moves. Even mountains. And I mean it literally this time.
Narnia is coming up and I kept focusing on asking my school friends but Josephine never crossed my mind. I haven't talked to Josephine for such a long time, and never really remembered her, until I was on the way to work on Thursday.
Thinking that it would be awkward to just ask her to Narnia directly (after not talking to her for months), I decided that I would just date her out for dinner. But when I was so prepared to do that, my handphone flashed low battery. Even though I know that my phone would probably last long enough for me to send that one message, I decided to shove the idea till later.
I switched off the phone and decided that I would message her when I finished work.

I finally finished work at about 9 plus nearly 10. I switched on my phone to see if Serene messaged me anything... and instead, I saw....

A MESSAGE FROM JOSEPHINE.

It's amazing firstly because I haven't heard from her for months!
Secondly, I wanted to message her this morning and I shoved it!

To me, it was like God saying, Yeah kid. I said ask her.

I was suddenly given courage to just ask her directly if she had any plans for Good Friday morning, inviting her to Narnia.

You guessed it.

She said YES.

No delay. No extra questions asked. It was a YES.
I'm not sure if you understand that kind of joy I had when I saw the yes. I'm not sure if you understand how miraculous this whole entire incident was. But this is God's way of saying, not what you planned kid. It's what I planned.

Sometimes, when we pray that our friends would come to a certain event, you never know if God is actually leading you to someone else. I am glad that this time, God gave me a reassurance by getting Josephine to send me the message. It's so important to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading.

When you pray for the mountain to move, don't forget your other mountains. They might just be moving. (:

Finished? Or beginning?

It was the last day of the attachment at the sports school. Truly inspiring. It's just basking in God's goodness for me. I am ready to run the race.

Day 1

First day of attachment went well. Was welcomed this great big building.

(:
This is where I will spend my next 1.5 months.And they have beautiful structures and captivating sports facilities, enough to make a potato couch evolve into a sports fanatic.

Not to mention, a nice physiotherapist there to make my stay SO MUCH more enjoyable.
It's a nice place to be in becuase the patients there are kids. HA. There are so many CUTE boys. Sigh. Oh but they are cute. Not one single person in sight is slightly plump. I would probably be the fattest there.

I have 2 patients under me! YEAH. I actually assessed them, diagnosed them and treated them all on my own ok. It is a big accomplishment. And those tests where we practice to twist legs and grind joints, no matter how silly they sound, or seem to have no basis when trying to understand the theory behind them, THEY ACTUALLY WORK!

I pray day 2 till day 40 something would be as enjoyable as day 1.

Attachements are OUT!

For all those who have been hearing me whine about my upcoming attachments and about where I will end up... the placements are out. and they are .... *drum rolls*...
1. Singapore Sports School!
I have no idea what I would do there. Hopefully there will actually be injuries or something. If not, I would probably have to keep watching them play badminton, table tennis, netball, you name it. Some people think this placement is cool, some people say not so good. Not sure what to expect either. But I will be stuck here for 1.5 months. It's at WOODLANDS. So... Adeline, you should come and visit me on the alternate Wednesdays and meet me for lunch.

2. Changi General Hospital.
I just KNEW it. They have to send me all the way to Changi. I JUST knew it. gosh. And now, Violet's not there anymore. sobsob. Won't have Violet to help make the journey a bit shorter. man. I can't believe I will be travelling there everyday for about a month. Usually people want to get this placement for outpatient. Cause the sports medical centre is well established. But I got inpatient instead. Hopefully it would be enjoyable. I did hear that the physios there are quite nice. Hope they stay being nice.

3. Westpoint Family Hospital
If I am not wrong this is where Emily was working for a period of time before starting school. Is it? It's in Jurong. Ah. Finally somewhere near home. I am actually looking forward to this attachment because it's a step down hospital. Means the pace isn't as fast as acute hospitals like Changi. Should a place with plenty of old folks. Will need to brush up on Hokkien and stuff like that. I have never been posted to a step dow hospital or an old folks home before. Hopefully this turns out good too.

After my previous attachment, I am afraid. I have to do well in my placements this semester. If not, my grades, no matter how hard I study and how well I do for my papers, it won't make a difference. You kinda get the point right? The weightage is SOOOOO DARRRNNNN high. Plus, I am rushing out for attachments without really ample time of revising ALL my work before going out. And the knowledge I have in my head right now, is limited to whatever has been taught this semester. Most of last semester's work has been blown out of my brain by the wind. Which WON'T DO.

Exams will be in the midst of all these attachments. So hopefully with working I will have the energy and time to study. This semester isn't such a well structured one for optimal results. But whatever the case, will just have to do my best.

For now, I have an exam on Monday, which is 50% of my Musculoskeletal module. So pray for me guys. It's so ultra important, and so little time to study. I am tested on the first day of exams, while other people whose surname happen to start with alphabets down the list get extra of 4-9 days of studying. sigh... F. tsktsktsk.

Projects are going to be due soon, and the journals to read for the research is just piling and piling and piling higher and higher and higher. You get the idea.

I WILL SURVIVE!

Pray before you decide

All of us make plenty of choices in a day. We wake up and from the second we open our eyes, we have plenty of decisions to make. From whether we should switch the alarm and sneak an extra 1-2 min of sleep in, to jumping out of bed with a smile to welcome the brand new day, Whether we should take a shower, whether we should wear the white or black shirt. Yeah you get the point.

Choices can sometimes be so trivial. Decisions made without really much thought. I have been spending a lot of time reading this book , Church History in plain language. And the more I read the happenings of yesterday, that establishes what Christianity is about today, the more I think we should be cautious about today, so as to make sure tomorrow will be ok.

We can't deny the role that men take even in God's house. We can't deny that we can ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit even though He is shouting in our ears.

Some events and decisions happen so naturally that we are ignorant to the development of it becoming into something. I now understand and appreciate so much more of what conservative churches do, to try as much as possible to preserve the ways of yester years and the styles of yesterday. Administrative styles might just as well turn into hierachy systems. Churches' way of protecting members interest might develop into false doctrines.

False prophets, false gospels, false doctrines, threats have not started today. They have been here since day one that God made Adam and Eve. How are we to stand up against it? And our decisions, may very well determine the history we would write for the others to read in the future.

To be in the world but not of the world. Is really being able to draw a balance between catching up with the times in the world, but yet standing firm to what we believe in. Church History hasn't shown that we are successful. We now have Roman Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, Protestants and various cults. And within the Protestants and cults themselves... many other denominations and beliefs. I always questioned why the split. How it split, why it split. And now, the message becomes clearer.

We really should be careful in whatever decision we make. Pray. Pray and Pray.

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is here. And it lasts for 15 days. But the goodies come way earlier than the Day itself... and it is here to stay even after the 15 days.
Pineapple tarts, pineapple tarts, pineapple tarts.
I finished one whole container of pineapple tarts + one box of kueh lapis + one roll of ritz cheese + one packet of double decker chicken snack + one packet of marmee all in 2 hours. with the help of 3 other girls... and this is the norm for a snack during practical sessions.

Randomness

I watched one of my friends turn 21 in the most interesting manner, and then not very long ago, I quarrelled with my mum about having to return home at 1030pm. Being 21 has a highly subjective intepretation, although it's an objective scale. I still find my curfew RIDICULOUS. Who... at my age, still has to be home by 1030, especially when the reason and the venue is exceptable.

Chinese New Year is round the corner. And I have to be in school on New Year's Eve till 4pm. My mum wanted to queue up for the bah kuah from Chinatown, which Mei'En's dad did for 5 hours for 6kg of bah kuah.

School ends at either 7 or 9, and stamina is going down the dumps. Not actually doing anything constructive at night anymore. Which really sucks cause exams are coming near, which also means attachment is starting soon.

A tribute to the decorations

HEYHEYHEY. The camp photos are out! And I MUST brag of the decoration done by so many people for the concert. I think it was Serene and my favourite part amongst all the other stuff we had to do. Decoration was most fun. Many thanks to Eric, Violet, Thomas, Jeannie, Ps Eric and his wife Serene.

Decorating with cheap scrap materials and you end up getting weird works of art. Ha.























The end product aint that bad. Just look at if from afar!















Banner made in the wee hours of the morning! But the stars Serene made were all gone. Plus, the banner was soaked becaue of the rain. Thomas and Eric had a hard time tying it up there too! Thanks guys!































My proudest area. The stairway. It took the brain juices of a couple of highly creative people to come out with this ok.
















Eureka. These beautiful cushions/stools are made with just boxes, tape, fluff, a couple of physics laws and a group of efficient people. Weren't they comfy?heh.

One last special mention...... *drum rolls* these little stands that entertained you for about 5 min.... have been given the special name... FLIPPERS! Because you FLIP to read them. Ha.














Won't ever forget these stuff. sobsob. And now, they are all gone. *sniff sniff*.

Thank God

Phew. Everything went pass in a flash after returning back.
Malaysia was definitely a good break for me. With nothing really much to do back there, I was physically re-charged. Leaving Serene here to fend for herself. Thanks dear for all the hard work put in while I was away.
After returning, it was full steam, working on the camp stuff for 2 days before the camp. Namely Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's really funny how Christmas just came and left, with barely any Christmas mood in me, maybe cause I was absorbed into working out the details of camp and stuff. Luckily I managed to con (heh) some of the NICE people to help stay up and help out. Hopefully after the decoration was hung up, you found the time invested worthwhile. ha.
It was quite a lot of work placing the decoration up, thanks to all those who toiled and laboured according to the demands of Serene and Jingwen. (: At least I am proud to say that the stairway area is nice! Even the Hall of Faith looked quite good.
What was nice to see during this camp, was that everyone really mixed around well! We had quite a number of friends this camp. And I am proud to say that all you youths out there were great hosts! I believe most of our guests enjoyed themselves and the hospitality you have shown!
And I am really proud of the FISHERX! WHY? because I think you guys have grown up so much compared to last year's camp. Let me help you guys recall, on the terrible stuff you guys did. You guys, sat under a tree, and talked, refusing to play games... the reason being - you guys didn't feel like playing... tsktsk... so terrible. But this camp, you guys have been really good, sporting, taking care of others! Great job guys! (: I hope you guys enjoyed the camp!
To all of you who were part of the band, the worship leading and the drama... GREAT JOB! I know and heard that a lot of time and practice was spent on this. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and this in itself is a great way to serve God!
This is our first evangelistic camp, and i think it has been a great start.
Prayer is definitely an essential part of anything in which we want to place God in the center of it all. Praying sessions started quite early for the camp. And honestly for myself, I was so caught up with preparations towards the end, that I didn't spend much time praying. Which we all know, prayer is so important. For those of us who prayed while the hiccups happened, we all witnessed that after we entered the hall, the hiccups were gone. Thank God for hearing our cry.
Thank God for EVERYTHING!

Ta-ta

My working days are over. (: I enjoyed it. It's pretty weird that you know, I was pretty reluctant to leave. But I really couldn't finish all the preparation of the camp if I continued. Working made me realise a little bit more about myself which was exciting. I hope that what I found out, would make me hang on to the needs of others more.
In just the weekend and a couple of days, Serene and I were rushing to get a lot of the decoration done for the camp. It was good. I suppose decorating a hall and the place was more fun because it's less administrative. (: hahaha. Yeah the 2 of us don't technically enjoy all the administrative stuff. Thinking about how to decorate, getting the stuff and acting like interior designers was definitely more fun. For all who would be coming for the camp, I hope you guys like what we have designed and made! haha.
Somehow, I always have things coming up... things to do etc... today I am leaving for Malaysia. (: It's one of those annual trips that should be made to visit my aged grandparents. Hopefully I take this week to really rest. Eat... and you know straighten some stuff before returning to a hectic the-rest-of-the-year. Hopefully I actually get a chance to do that with my ever noisy and happening family... People shouting, singing, asking to eat, shopping hahaha... It's good to spend time with the family.
When I return it would already be near Christmas day! Man.
Till I return, this blog would be collecting dust again. (:

*coughcough* woof... woooh (cobwebs and dust flies). This place IS dusty. Haven't been around for a LONG time. Not because nothing's going on in my life. That's wrong. I have a HAPPENING life. (I DO NOT live in a hole).

It's amazing what Raffles place is like. It swings from being PACKED to being EMPTY. The moment it hits 8 am.12pm.530pm. Beware. It's a stampede. And after those peak periods. It's a ghostly place. Even the famous Lau Pa Sat, is desolated. Shops closed, people scarsely scattered. Oh of course the rain didn't help.

But it is the lucrative area. Soaring towers with profitable companies. Brilliant, intelligent people just calculating to determine the best way to make money. Whether it is to store money, lend out money, count money, check money, exchange money, make money. It all revolves around money.

There isn't much to see around here. People are all dressed the same boring way. The colour of their lives is.... tahdah. BLACK. The men, in their black pants, black socks, black shoes, black jacket. The only thing that shows they have changed from Monday till Friday, is the tie. You would think that ladies, being the ones who adore fashion and dress-sense, would do better. But no.... the colour of their lives is BLACK TOO. It's as if, black is a must, to compete against the men for professionalism or rather monotony. And the list is almost identical. black pants or skirt, black shoes, black jacket.

The repetitive, cyclical life has gotten into me as well! Absorbing into this, RICH culture, of eating lunch at the same place everday (because the queue is short, and the food is cheap). Reserving seats by placing packets of tissue paper on the chairs. Creating my own schedule between working, having lunch and toilet breaks (this can actually turn out regular). Dressing in that professional and dark manner (because it depicts maturity, confidence and of course professionalism).

The solution to the humdrum life Raffles Place has to offer, is the covetousness. Eager frenzy to thirst for better pay (for a better weekend I guess). For a better position (to get told off less). And the greatest achievement towards this triumphant victory is to see the numerals increasing behind the $ sign on the pay check.

With that, maybe the mundane life could be interjected with extravagant, pompus dinners. Luxurious holidays (that are probably restricted to a certain number of days due to the scarse number of official leave). Huge, lavish mansions to enjoy unconsciously (cause most of the time spent in the house is for sleeping). And flashy cars that spend only half an hour on the road (cause the rest of the time it is parked away in the underground car park).

I am perplexed and fascinated at how this is the driving force of life. This motivity leads to a never ending upward chase but yet lures so many. What an interesting place.

You could take a little trip around Singapore town
In a Singapore city bus
To see Coller Quay and Raffles Place
The Esplanade and
All of us

Because it's Singapore, Singapore,
The hearts are big and wide you find,
Because it's Singapore, Singapore,
You'll find happiness, for everyone.

No matter what drives each person here at Raffles Place, and what it is like, I respect the people who work around here. Their determination. Their hardihood. Their hard work. Without Raffles Place - everyone and everything that makes it what it is, I bet Singapore won't be who she is today. But right now, for me, all these serves to remind me that school is a haven.

good week

This week, starting from the youth leaders' retreat has been great.
Time flies, it's the 2nd youth leaders' retreat already. And I am so glad that I am still in this ministry, knowing that God has placed me there at least for now.
With my lack of history and experience in the ministry and retreats, there is really nothing much to compare with BUT, it was a GREAT retreat.

Firstly, knowing that God is indeed working in the ministry. It is evident. All of us knew it. And I thank God for it. Knowing that this ministry belongs not to us but to Him. No matter what we are going through, He goes before us.

Secondly, is knowing that there will be challenges before us. I am not a person who welcomes changes. And if need be, I did rather hide under my bed, and you know, do what I have always been doing. So comfortable, so reassuring. No matter how much I know that changes are sometimes necessary for improvement, for moving forward, for growing, the inertia is there. Somehow, in the midst of the fears, I know that God is there. Not only for me but for all of us as a leadership. It's better that God is moulding us and making us do NEW stuff, than to be stagnant, and grow "mouldy". It really means that God is working in us, placing us in new situations to make the youths, the youth leaders, the ministry grow.

Thirdly, the retreat is a good break for me. I think I needed it. The fact that the retreat was held in a desolated part of sentosa where there really isn't anything to do except wait upon the Lord, and focus on YWAV. I managed to stand firm and not bring any of my school work to be done. I am recharged. I know that I am ready to go again. (: yeah. It has been a pretty tough 2-3 weeks for my spiritually and physically. Being away from home, from school, was just the thing I needed at least for those short periods where I could just let my thoughts collect, or even wander.

I won't say I am all ready for year 2006. But at least I know that God has already paved out 2006. And that all of us are ready to take up 2006 together.

Thank God for the prayer gathering for the O and A level students. (: Yeah firstly, I must thank God for seeing all the youths through their prelims. No matter what the results are like, whether you are satisfied or not, I believe your results are God-planned. Remember that although results are important, they don't really have an eternal consequence. Keep close to God. Don't forget that ultimately it's not the the results that should determine where you are, who you are and where you stand. God does. (: Continue to seek His ways, and find out if where you intend to go is where He wants you to. All of us "oldies" those who have gone through the Os and As are always around, to pray for you, hear you out, and even solve one or two of those math and chemistry questions for you yah! (:

This week is the first week after MANY weeks of school where I have no exams. Yes, I had a refreshing week. In terms of physical rest. And I believe because I am rested physically, I can actually deal with the spiritual stuff better. It's a great feeling to know you can just, rest. Like for instance, sleep. (:

Being re-charged, I hope I can take the next 3 papers coming up next week with the stuff in my head. heh. I haven't spent much time studying this week. bad huh. oh well, let's see how things come along.

Not worrying about tomorrow, and living from day to day is probably what I would call my perspective in life right now.

I dont' know about tomorrow/ I just live from day to day /I don't borrow from it's sunshine/ For it's skies may turn to grey/ I don't worry over the future /For I know what Jesus brings/ And today I'll walk beside Him /For He knows what is ahead/ Many things about tomorrow/ I don't seem to understand/ But i know who holds tomorrow /And I know who holds my hand

Appreciated!

Did YOU enjoy the Youth leaders' appreciation day? I did. I thank God for giving me this chance to work with the youths, and to enjoy doing this with Serene. (: Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen, while watching the youths presenting on stage from the AV room, every move every word, still had this element of surprise. What made me even happier was the fact that the youth leaders were smiling, laughing and enjoying themselves!
I was really touched when the youths prayed from their own leaders.

Thank you FISHERX. You guys had prelims and exams but all of you spent time planning what to do, what to say. I like the box a lot. haha except my face on the box. I look so UGLY (as usual). haha the snacks made me laugh even more. Did you know the strawberry sweet is EXPIRED? haha... oh. And I loved the joke. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. hahaha. WHO CAME UP WITH IT? COME STRAIGHT OUT WITH IT. hahaha. But the brownie and cookies tasted really good. (: thank you so much. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! hehehe. so sad Kenneth wasn't there. hmmm... But glad that he recovered fully. (:

Make sure next year is even MORE memorable k? hahah.. I have high expectations!

Move on guys!

God pulled me through! I cleared all 5 types of basic cardiac life support modules! Ok for all those who don't think very highly of this... When I was practicing all the CPR stuff, I was constantly given a fail grade, and told all the wrong stuff I did wrong. That list kinda included everything that can go wrong. Besides, learning this only 2 weeks ago and only given 2 practice sessions, I inisist that passing it is a GREAT thing. (: Of course with God's help.
You know, I become really hungry and tend to have tremors in the hands. Amazingly, I had no such problems today. Heh.

I got an email from someone special today! (: Unexpected. Sweet. Made my day. Must continue to write to me ok? (You know who you are!)

After this CPR tests and stuff, it's like a huge burden rolled off my shoulders. Not because I have no more tests coming up. In fact I do! I have 2 more exams coming up next week. It's just so good to know that whatever comes my way, I don't have to worry because God is going before me. Each time He pulls me through, I hear this message again and again. It's reassuring.

I drove to school in Monday and Tuesday! How cool is that? haha. Yes. I have been trying to gain my parents trust and confidence about letting me have the car alone! hahaha. I did it. The feeling of reaching school in a mere 20-30 min is... indescribable. Usually, I would drag myself out of bed when the sky is still pitch dark... and travel down the old lonesome road... heh... no... the long, bumpy journey (: to school. Driving makes things SO much more convenient. The joy is short-lived. Dad needs the car most of the time anyway.

School life, has unfolded yet another chapter. I believe that as people grow older, we tend not to look too deeply into certain friendship issues. More because we are matured, can understand each other better. We learn things like psychology and sociology and psychology communication for a reason right? We should be able to differientiate what is truly a problem from making a fuss. Being demanding from being firm... etc...etc... apparantly this assumption is too generalised. Or maybe I was too naive.

How I wish everyone were easy-going, shared the same wavelength, frequency. That would make things so much easier wouldn't it? I really thought it came with age because I can't imagine my friends and I being 50 year old, still having to deal with problems due to insensitivity... it's like in primary school, we used to say "don't friend you" we don't do this anymore at the age of 20! And shouldn't we progress on to another stage?

Having fun

Life seems more fulfilling. Right up my list, is this major event called.... YOUTH LEADERS' APPRECIATION DAY! Yeah I know. It has seemed like I am forcing people to appreciate me. But I really should be appreciated! And I insist that I am not demanding. (:
This has really been a chance for me to work with youths from other CIAs. And getting to see different sides of them. I get to call people I have really never called before! Watch them do stuff, laugh, tell me the not-so-funny jokes, meet them up, and the list goes on. I admit there are some youths, where I only know the name from the directory. I can't even match the face to the name. And that is terrible.
Secondly, I get to work with Serene! hahaha. It's like a trial run before the publicity work for the camp. Ha. (:

Touched

I just had my one week break. It came and flew past... because it didn't feel like a break at all. Too busy settling all those presentations and what-nots. Glad that it's over. The last presentation was completed today. I won't say it was a success. But at least to me, it's completed, over, and I can now focus on the next thing.
God has granted me grades that I am truly grateful for. Yes. It's a relief. When I got my first C for my practical this sem... I realised that there was a necessity to re-shuffle, re-schedule, re-prioritise what and how I was doing things. And after just acknowledging the need, and try coming back, He has given me a confirmation.
When Ade shared with me on how sometimes what others say can be an encouragement on how we are trying to live our lifes, I realised how true that is. What do we want at the end of the day? Or at the end of life?
For me, I hope that somone can say, I touched him/her, and that's because of Christ.

Nostalgic Feeling

Have you had the feeling of saying, this is not where I should be? That's the feeling I get whenever I go and watch a concert at Esplanade. The place I shouldn't be is where the audience is sitting. Yes. I miss performing. I've performed for about 6 years for different purposes, and different occasions. And I miss it. Not because I can't enjoy a good play, musical, etc. But because I realised I left the stage for good. I no longer make the music I like to make with others, to hear each others voices blend harmoniously. To smile and gaze upon the happy faces of a satisfied audience. To beam with pride and say, this has been fulfilling.
Life can't be filled with every good thing. I only have 24 hours. Choices come into play. Not that I regret the choices made. But I because I miss those times.

This week is my first week of exams. And they won't end till the end of the semester. For those who always wanted their exams SPREAD OUT. You could take mine. My advice is, it's no joke. Every semester is like... a marathon of examinations. With an average of about 2 per week? That's why I declared today as "Study-free" day. (:

retreat

God has blessed me again. Had the honour to spend national day with Bell, Eric, Wei, Sam and Violet, watching some NDP stuff. It's really different from how I spend National day annually. Usually, my family would order KFC, and watch NDP together while savouring the fattening chicken. This year... this tradition... kinda.. disappeared.
Although i enjoyed spending time together with my friends... this 19 year old tradition thing... has... slipped away subtlely. Apparantly, my brother went over to his friend's place. My father watched a movie alone in the afternoon (without waiting for me!!! I thought we were to watch seven swords together), Fang, Ma, and Pa went shopping at IMM. oh... but they stuck to eating KFC. heh. The NDP parade was taped.
After reaching home, I watched the parade a 2nd time with them. Somehow, the feeling was different. I guess this is when i find absence really makes the heart grow fonder.
The time spent together with my friends was good though. Just sat around, slack, sleep, eat. I haven't done that for ages. Whenever I am at home, there's always something to do. Even if I planned to just rest, i would end up convincing myself that reading is resting, packing my room is a form of rest, checking my mail is a form of rest... the list goes on... and so... my rest is still pretty packed with activities. Sounds silly huh.

Young adults alpha is over. The 12 sessions have been completed. And what makes me grin, is my cousin's salvation. I am glad at how God just unfolded His entire plan. This coming Friday, it's cell as usual. But it's not going to be usual-usual. There will be new additions.

Exams are next week. Scary huh. I realised i spend really little time on my books. These last 6 weeks of school, i spent a lot of time on non-academic stuff. I am starting to get a little worried. After all the practical exams next week, comes all the presentations. Then my holidays, which by the way have already been burned because i need to finish my CPR course and pass it within the week plus visits to the hospital. (i wonder why they even bother to call it a holiday when they already have the intention of using every bit of it for school's use). Besides, i still have a whole load of information to actually store in the brain, instead of hard copy (on paper).

The to-do-list, never seems to get shorter.

Scared about what?

Relationships at this point of time have been a "taboo". More so because I believe I am not ready for it. Or rather, it's a scary thing. And I was asked what was it that made it scary. Then I realised, I don't know what I am scared of. It's just this emotion that comes along with it. Am I being silly? The typical next question asked would be, you had a painful past experience? I don't know if that's supposed to be fortunate or not. But no. No past experience. Is it a figment of my imagination that causes me to think too much? Or too much drama serial that obviously sensationalizes, and exaggerates everything? Or witnessing the relationships that go on around me? I can't seem to place my finger/hand/foot/leg onto what it is exactly.
It doesn't help when I have 2 friends who have been really talking to me about their views regarding relationships. One is set on celibacy. So much so that, she believes if God has plans for her to be with someone in future, she would be... let's say... be lost. And the other, is just the exact opposite. It's kinda weird to hear them talk to me about it sometimes. Striking opposites. And when asked, what about you? I am... speechless.
Not many things leave me speachless. But in this area, I know I haven't been thinking, because I'm scared. Why?

Random

1. I am having knee pain. either because i exercise too much, or my knee is lousy.
2. I can't stop eating chocolates. Grace insists it's beacuse of too much exercise. Now where do you get such logic?
3. Can't survive a 1 hr lecture anymore. I keep dozing off! Snacking doesn't help, thinking of stupid things doesn't help, using different coloured pens doesn't help either!
4. I am getting so many reference books! Enough to make me look intelligent, but too many which makes my brain feel empty. (which btw, is exactly what my piggybank is feeling right now. EMPTY)
5. I actually craved school food when it was the holidays. 3 weeks into school, and I am officially sick of it already.
6. oh yes the test dates are all pilling up
7. Kinda sick of hearing my friends tell me I don't dress up for school. But then again, i really can't be bothered to do what they do.
8. I am back to the "can't wait for the weekends to come" mode already. And it's only 3 weeks into school.
9. Trying to get to school on time, with heavy traffic, pouring rains, and a route littered with schools, at 6 plus in the morning is impossible. It's tried, tested, proven and guarenteed. It's either I get stuck in a traffic jam, OR, the bus takes eternity to arrive. What happened to those good old days when i get lifts to school? WHERE! Well my dad offered me a ride on the rainy tuesday morning. Guess where he offered to drop me? The bus stop outside my house. (: helpful huh?
10. Picture this. 14 beginner violinists, all bowing A note, of different variations (which just means out of tune), but all staring intently at their own fingers, violins, scores, as if they were all playing master pieces. The combined "music" produced and their serious facial expressions is a hilarious sight. ha.

Starting the first step

Decisions can sometimes be pretty tough to make. Or maybe it's because I worry too much. Tried to place things on the balance and weigh them before deciding that I should just give strings ensemble a try. And you know what? I decided that I should just try it. Taking too much time to think and measure and what nots.
So... today I had my first lesson. Cool. (:
I had a lot of fun. Supposed to finish at 7.30. Ended up leaving school only at 9 plus. I enjoyed myself.
Today's lunch hour was spent in an interesting way too. I sat down with my malay friend. And we shared about each other's religion. I heard stuff and found out stuff I never knew. And obviously she heard stuff from me too. Quite a different experience.

What a pity

Today marks the end of my night courses. I enjoyed it so much, I wish it never ended. Couldn't find another time when I was so looking forward to just listening and learning more. God's word is a piece of art. At different angles, you see different colours, more intricate details. Stand further away, you see a bigger picture. How the intricacies weave into something else.
The first thing I said when the course ended was, "So sad". That's because he couldn't finish. How I wish he could finish on Revelations. How I wish he had time to touch on EVERY book of the bible. (:
Being able to attend these night courses, has been a miracle to me. And I thank God for adding oil into the fire for knowledge once again.

Cling on!

This weekend, I had an overdose. It's quite hard to explain why, quite hard to tell how, even harder to tell when. Maybe it's my mood, maybe it's a piling up of feelings. Can't exactly pin point on something. When I need a break, I think I honestly need one. But I don't necessarily get one. And that's the problem when I want one, and I don't get one.
Then I have to start working. How? Telling myself how I absolutely should control, look on the brighter side, learn to accept, try to love, pretend to ignore, etc. For all those who haven't tried to psycho yourself, let me tell you, it's hard work.
It's no point sulking your way through something, if i can eventually get myself to feel at least neutral about it. Especially when you know you have to do it. That's what I have taught myself to do.
Then I question myself. What is it that I have to do? Is it always a have? Or is it a want? Can't I be rebellious for a while? Maybe I've never had the reputation of being rebellious. Can't I bargain? Whine? Try ways and means to get what I want sometimes? Does that come across to you as obnoxious behaviour? I haven't tried it. But you know what? There is this bit of me that wants to. I've never tried it. And I actually want to!
Getting stuck with wanting to please people is a never ending cycle. Regardless of who it is. Why should I even want to please people. How about myself? Right. This is the most selfish thought ever. This however is honesty, at certain phases in life.
Have to keep clinging on to what's right and what's good. And I thank God for telling me exactly what's right and what's wrong. Can't imagine the confused state I would be in if I were a postmodernist. But clinging on, can sometimes be tiring. And this is the result of being tired.
Oh. but it's ok. I get back on track pretty quickly too. (:

Low points

At some point in life, I will lose focus, feel discouraged, feel angry, feel lost. And I thank God that He always sends someone to hear me out. Keeps those perspectives straight. Tells me in my face if I am wrong. Challenges me to what's right. Encourages to what needs some. Suggests new things. But yet, leaving me enough room to think, learn, decipher, try, make mistakes.

Bible knowledge = 0?

How many of us can tell others principles on how we should act, what we should think, but when it comes to having biblical support, we struggle to find the right verses to reinforce our principles which are really from the Bible! Ade reminded me the other day about how we really should advice friends, youths or anybody. Not by our own words but by the words of God, straight from the Bible. Which in this case, people like me would have to really keep quiet.

Blows

It's the first day of school!!! For all those lucky people out there still slacking and waking at 10 in the morning, I dragged myself out of bed at 6 when the sky was still gloomy and dark. God definitely didn't lay the red carpet for me on the way to school. But what He did do was to pave my journey with heavy raindrops, and howling winds. In fact, the wind was so strong, my umbrella was blown inside out. You know how the umbrella flips over in cartoons? Yup. exactly like that.

My first blow in school is to know that... my Fridays are NO LONGER FREE! In fact, it has turned out to be my latest day of the week. All because of electives.
My second blow is to know that the amount of information I am supposed to absorb is like that of a sponge and it's natural ability to absorb water. It's my first day of school, and i have enough memory work to last me a week. Not counting those that I kinda forgot from year 1.
My third blow is to know that my textbooks cost a bomb! There is a book I am supposed to get and it costs 200 Aussie dollars. Is that daylight robbery or what? Besides, it's a 1cm thick book, and the pictures are black and white (not like they have a lot of pictures in the first place).

That should be enough to make my 1st day of school a little more adrenaline pumping than I expected it to be. Looking forward to tomorrow. (: only to the BTS course actually. Not so much of going back to school and being thrown more facts my way.

Mistakes

Mistakes come at high prices. And when I say high prices, this time, I mean it literally. Sigh. I am quite capable of doing the weirdest things, the stupidest things. And this time, I have proven myself right again. Expensive lesson. Oh well, people learn right? I believe with all my heart that I am one of those people. I WILL learn.

Had a good time just talking and sharing with some of the fellow leaders at YWAV. (Of course accompanied with delicious food... it was real good. You should see the chocolate drink that we had. HUGE. Overflowing with icecream, chocolate syrup, chocolate bits... ok sorry)

The greatest thing in a ministry is when the people in it, encourage each other, hear each other out, and definitely pray for each other. I hope YWAV leaders can continue to uphold each other in prayer, in love.

Obligation?

This Friday, Peiru and Yingni stayed over. I tried to use the stay over, to lure them to alpha. I failed. (I did pray about it.) So much for Bell and Ade asking me whether I should be doing more at cell or not. (embarressed). Well, as you can guess, i skipped alpha. Miss being there actually.
But we did have a good time catching up and playing monopoly. It did remind me that, it is not so much the activity that you do, but the companions you do it with that makes a great difference.
Because of the stayover, I intended to skip YWAV. Doesn't that just sound totally wrong. You bet it does. Somehow or rather, I was reminded that it really isn't the right thing to do. And God helped me out of the situation I almost thought was impossible to change.
To begin with, when my youths heard that I was intending to skip, ha. You should have seen the weird expressions.
Secondly, it definitely is a lame reason to skip YWAV. Having a sleepover? sigh. What kind of example is a youth leader giving?
Thirdly, it's really hard to explain to your 2 friends that you have saturday commitments for the last... let's see... since sec 1.
God made it such that Peiru had to go back to work, early this morning at 8. Working at Tuas meant that she had to catch her company bus which arrives at 730. So our sleepover ended at 7 in the morning, allowing me to go for food rationing and for YWAV.
When Bell asked me whether it was an obligation to come for YWAV instead of staying at home for a sleepover, it really did make me think for a while. Coming for YWAV and being commited to it, is a choice. Not an obligation. For all the youths who think leaders demand too much of you and don't understand why you need a life other than YWAV (especially on Saturday afternoons), that's not true. See... I went through the same dilemma.
This time, God changed the situation, without me having to do all that church commitment explanation. Would I have come for YWAV if God didn't turn the situation around?
Answer is... Yes.

Short Fridays

The wonder of just having time in your hands. Yes I am here right now, with no agenda, leaving my impulse to decide what I should do next. And this (at least for now) seems like a great thing to do. Usually, it would be what I call "a waste of time". No more attachments. Heh. And I won't be having anymore till next year. To those who can't share nor understand the joy it involves, too bad.
Just looked at my timetable next sem. (no... it's not too soon to look at it. I don't have the luxury of 2 - 3 more weeks like some or my NUS and SMU friends.) It's pretty good. (: God always. I mean ALWAYS keeps my Fridays short. It's the 3rd timetable I am getting. And for all 3 times, i end so darn early. He knows my cell group meetings are on Fridays. He knows. (And i didn't even ask for it. ha)

Attachment

Yeah man. 3 more days left at attachment. Seriously wondering if attachment is supposed to be that much of a pain. What attachment really does to me, is increase the fear of moving out into the working world. The shelter of school, is just too good to be true.

Fisherx

Attachment is slightly harder than what I expected. Oh well. But I thank God that one week is over. How He managed to lead me through this one week has been good. What made the week more bearable was looking forward to meeting Ade and Nat. I enjoyed that a lot. The highlight of the week.

This weekend was the CIA retreat. I thought it was good. Maybe all that happened reduced the fun factor and the enjoyment possibility of the entire cell. I suppose that wasn't my intention. Which leader doesn't want their youths to enjoy themselves? I definitely wanted to. I hope it's understood that responsibilities have to be kept, and mutual understanding to be considered. Fisherx did well in bringing friends to the outreach BBQ. (: I believe all of them placed much effort in getting their friends to come. Seeing the big group that came, it was indeed heartwarming. Watching them play captain's ball against Hope Sanctuary, allowed me to see them working together. During the treasure hunt game, they were are sporting, and supported those who placed effort in planning the games. At night, playing card games and watching them have fun, is great joy.

Fisherx (if you happen to be reading this), don't be discouraged by what Joshua said during the devotions part. It wasn't meant to put any one down, but to help you guys move up. I know you guys can and have the ability to be leaders, to be caring, to be sensitive to each other. Don't stop short of what you are capable of.

I love you guys. Everyone of you who make Fisherx what it is.

Need You

Oh Lord you lead me
By the still waters
Quietly restoring my soul....

Love undeserved

Being loved is the best feeling ever. People live for food, for goals, ambition... I think what keeps my life at the top of the world is the feeing of being loved. Somehow or rather, it comes to a point where I don't think I deserve it. God has really been good, showering me with friends.
I thank God for the people who never fail to let me feel I can be myself, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. Who plan surprises for me year after year. And these surprises follow me, in Singapore, all corners of the Singapore, even Malaysia. (:
I thank God for another group of people who watched me grow up. Who showered love on me, who remember me no matter where they are. Recieving a happy birthday call all the way from Italy is definitely heart-warming. Hearing the loud chorus of the happy birthday song, and the background music. Man. Knowing that wherever they are, they still would remember... What did i do to deserve that?
Knowing that my hp inbox was flooded with msg, recieving gifts people know that I have been wanting... most of all, just knowing that these are the people who have been so part of my life. I can't understand what I have done to fathom the depth of God's blessings upon my life. Thank you.

Packed

You won't believe how packed my schedule is. It has been since this short, warm retreat with the usual gang (Bell, Eric, Wei, Sam, Violet, Eunice, Emily).
This time, I got another one of those unforgettable, memorable surprises. (: Can't think of any other persons who would be as sweet. Thanks guys.
Next came the Youth EE clinic wave. Frankly, I struggled. Struggled to do Youth EE the last time, struggled with OJT, struggled with follow up, struggled with the effectiveness, struggled with deciding to go for this 2nd Youth EE. Adeline knows my evangelism journey so well. And she can atest to all these crazy things I went through. The nights where I just go on and on pouring out all I thought. Amazingly, or rather by God's grace, I have taken the step of faith to go for the 2nd Youth EE clinic.
It has come to an end. But what comes next? I have no idea.
I fear, I doubt. It has always been there. Maybe it's innate. I don't know. But yet I have decided to go. I sound contradictory.
The 4 days have been over. It's been pretty good because I have been given the opportunity to see that it's possible. That saving lives sincerely is possible. What I doubt, what I fear, can be void. Yet again I am reminded at how some are so self-centered. Not stopping to give others the chance to hear. Not being sensitive to the needs of friends.
In the midst of the 4 days, it's sports duty at TJC. quite a good experience. but tiring. besides, it's at BEDOK. distance.... man.
Add all these activities pilling on top of one another... and you get Wen who is a little physically tired. It's not ending yet. Still more to go throughout this week.

So Men Think They Are Good... Heh

A story was told of a scientist who came to haven with a great boast.
"Finally," he declared with a test tube in his hand, "after centuries of accumulated research, we too can make human beings."
"Really?" Angel Gabriel asked. "From what?"
"From pure dust from the earth." the man asserted with great confidence. "And that makes us equal to God!"
"I see," said Angel Gabriel, rather cooly. "Well, let me check with God."
He vanished behind the great golden doors at the end of the hall. A few moments later, he returned, shook his head sadly, and ushered the scientist out of the hallway.
"But just what did He have to say?" protested the indignant man.
Answered Gabriel as he closed the door on the departing scientist, "God said that you have to make your own dust."

Over

Phew. Relieved. That ends the exam marathon.
It feels good.
No more guilt when you sit and watch TV
No more worries when you are just bumming around
Heh.
That's life.

HOT weather

The weather is totally not cooperative. I can't work, can't think, can't sleep, can't eat in this scorching temperatures.
Which is a very telling sign that, I haven't been productive. This is terrible.
Seriously can't wait for the exams to be over. To begin with, this has seriously been an exam marathon. Bet many of you know I had exams since a LONG time ago. Stamina just seems to go poof. urgh.
It just seems like I am wasting my time away. Feel like doing anything and everything except studying. gosh. What's happening to the self control?
Heh. yesterday, i drank 3 cups of milo consecutively. Cold ones. And i used to hate milo. This must the adverse effects of the heat. Plus my milos are the DINO milo-s. You know... milo topped up with 2 tablespoons of milo powder on the top. MAN. I didn't look at the calorie content of milo poweder. I sure hope it's not a lot.

Back

The weather is SOOO hot. Can't believe it. It's worst in Malaysia though. Yeps. back from the north. It was quite a different trip this time. To start off, my grand-uncle passed away. So we were back for the Buddist funeral. Which, is something I haven't attended for a pretty long time. I just sat there watching everything that happened. How the house transformed from a cosy, warm, happy place, to an eerie yellow curtained, flower wreath filled, big black-and-white photo sitting right in front of the door, 2 large lanterns with his surname and his age.
With my aunties, uncles, cousins, taking turns to chant, kneel, pray, singing this "tuneful" chant thing along with the nuns.
Religion doesn't seem like a real difference until you see these things in action I suppose. The peace that we have when someone passes away, because we know they have salvation, and is with God, doesn't seem evident here.
The number of times you chant, the way you chant, the things you do to help them leave the earth, makes a difference to the deceased. (according to the Buddist of course). The number of times you bow, or kneel, or the number of days you turn vegetarian. Just sets me to wondering why it doesn't just depend on the deceased faith, instead of all these rituals of the present.
And I was there listening and asking why these were done. Eerie stories galore! The deceased is supposed to return twice to the house, once which can be counted by some monk and another which can't be... food offerings... and chants... burning of joss sticks and all. Hmm...
I just thank God that for us, Christians, we know that we have salvation. It doesn't depend on the number of children you have to walk you out, or the number of sons you have, or the filial piety demonstrated through chants, or the time of the day which is counted as auspicious to be buried.
Going back is always about eating. (heh) and about shopping. Sleeping in and making yourself feel like a pig. That usually is a form of luxury if you ask me. But going in the midst of your studying week. Man. That's where the trouble really starts. The engine just switched itself off on Thursday evening after my paper. And it hasn't been turned on. It has this high inertia state. Reluctance to be ignited. Everything about eating, slacking, is still in my head. Self discipline had better start. SOON.