Cling on!

This weekend, I had an overdose. It's quite hard to explain why, quite hard to tell how, even harder to tell when. Maybe it's my mood, maybe it's a piling up of feelings. Can't exactly pin point on something. When I need a break, I think I honestly need one. But I don't necessarily get one. And that's the problem when I want one, and I don't get one.
Then I have to start working. How? Telling myself how I absolutely should control, look on the brighter side, learn to accept, try to love, pretend to ignore, etc. For all those who haven't tried to psycho yourself, let me tell you, it's hard work.
It's no point sulking your way through something, if i can eventually get myself to feel at least neutral about it. Especially when you know you have to do it. That's what I have taught myself to do.
Then I question myself. What is it that I have to do? Is it always a have? Or is it a want? Can't I be rebellious for a while? Maybe I've never had the reputation of being rebellious. Can't I bargain? Whine? Try ways and means to get what I want sometimes? Does that come across to you as obnoxious behaviour? I haven't tried it. But you know what? There is this bit of me that wants to. I've never tried it. And I actually want to!
Getting stuck with wanting to please people is a never ending cycle. Regardless of who it is. Why should I even want to please people. How about myself? Right. This is the most selfish thought ever. This however is honesty, at certain phases in life.
Have to keep clinging on to what's right and what's good. And I thank God for telling me exactly what's right and what's wrong. Can't imagine the confused state I would be in if I were a postmodernist. But clinging on, can sometimes be tiring. And this is the result of being tired.
Oh. but it's ok. I get back on track pretty quickly too. (: