Sunday, October 28, 2007

Long time no see

I've been asked where I've been.
I've been many places, experienced many things just within this very short period of time.
Knowing that the new chapters are just unfolding before my eyes faster than I can actually grasp. Many atimes, I wish I had a 'slow play' button or even a 'pause' button.
When things just run on autopilot mode, there is just not enough time to think, to feel, to ask, to wonder, to slack. You get the idea.

With the 1440 minutes in my hands every time I open my eyes to a brand new day, I ask myself how much of it is actually within my control. There is no doubt, the freshness of being at this point of my life is pretty cool. But the freshness is not lasting long enough for me savour. The unfortunate thing is, I am not coping well with the speed at which everything is fleeting past. My balance scale is tipped. Tipped so bad, I don't know where to begin to bring it back to equilibrium. There are certain times when I would rather not want anything done. While at other points, I know I should get my lazy butt off and straighten things out.
The dilemma of it all is just simply procrastination. Crazy as it may seem, it's all an internalized struggle.

If you think I am painting an all too sombre picture, that's not exactly true. Life is still pretty fulfilling and fun. I am starting to understand things from different perspectives, experience different challenges, and the most fun so far is to have additions to my circle of friends.

You know how tough it is when you get older (unfortunately). Making good friends is not as simple. It takes that chemistry, without the airs, knowing that being who you are and what you believe, fits the mutual comfort zones. For a person like me who just adores comfort zones, you have no idea what a relief it is to me, just to know that there is no need for me to draw boundaries and watch where I am treadding.

Today I found the time to ponder for a moment, and think if all has been well. And I say with assurance that I am still sane. Still here. And this present time, the scale is slowly tipping back. I am sure it would reach equilibrium. But not without inertia.