Simplicity

Exams are over!

2009-06-19T10:33:00.002+08:00

After having had 2 weeks of exams, I can finally announce that I AM DONE!
It wasn't exactly that bad. But trust me, it's no fun having exams.
Not that I am pressured to do well or anything. But just the entire idea of having to write essays again in a speedy 1.5hr or do pracs again under the close scrutiny of lecturers just is NO FUN.
Whatever it is, it's over.
Just have to wait and see if I have to do a repeat test in any of the areas. And I sure do hope not!

I had fun playing word scrabble with Jasmine over the dinner table. haha. She would write the words, with the alphabets all jumbled up and then make me guess. heh. And there was one particular one where I didn't get after starring at it for a very long time. Its:

LUEB

I don't know why I didn't see it, or managed to figure it out. It turned out to be a very simple BLUE. I bet you didn't get it too. DON'T LIE! She was very happy because I really couldn't figure this one out.

Hibernation

2009-06-08T09:29:00.002+08:00

It's getting cold here in the mornings and the nights.
Don't get me wrong. I love the cold. It makes me smell nicer, feel nicer and look nicer. :)
But it's torturous to get up in the morning.
I suspect I have chromosomes of a bear.
Cold weather = hibernation.
I can't get myself up from deep slumber. BAD.

Apples

2009-05-14T17:30:00.006+08:00

Mum and I followed a whole big group of people to a few orchards.
And of course fruits there, are sold in crates.
Each family ended up bringing home loads.

I am definitely not a fan of fruits.
But Mum and I returned with quite a bit!
An amount that I would have reckon, too much to finish.
That was about 2 weeks ago.

I realised this morning that I still had left over apples till NOW.
Apples MUST NOT be wasted. Right?
And I definitely can't consume so many way-too-ripe apples.
Don't have time for a fancy recipe...
So... with my trusty internet google search engine, I decided that my apples should be turned into this:
Looks good huh?

Yeah. ALL recipe pictures look good.
Don't be fooled when they tell you how easy it is, how it gives you an impression of what it would look like. Cause, it never looks as good.

The best thing about baking here, is having an assistant. Introducing my lovely assistant.... JASMINE!

We had fun together. I was cutting up the apples, while she decided that they were irresistable. Several pieces went right into her mouth. She inisists that apples with the red skin are sweet. Green are not. So there was this quality check process. All those with too much green, were eaten on the spot. I approve of eating whilst cooking. Definitely a good thing to do. haha.

Joyce subscribed a montly magazine for Jasmine, and it comes with cooking utensils. Jasmine finally had a chance to USE THEM. All dressed up for baking, with the apron and all, we laid the apples slice by slice. It was great fun.

After she tried a piece of the galette, she said thank you to herself for making the pie. haha. Sh'e such a dear.

Oh yes. want to see the stark contrast between what the galette was supposed to look like versus what it turned out looking like?

Here goes:
OK. It really is quite big a difference. But. taste wise. Not bad! And. apples were NOT wasted. (:

Complaints

2009-05-12T17:35:00.002+08:00

Heh. I've received complaints that this blog is VERY under-utilised.
And I agree.
Just realised the last post was sometime last year.
The truth is, I don't know how many people actually read this thing!
haha. Since I have had 2 people complaining, then I believe there are at least 2.
And these 2, are worth blogging for. (:

Yep. I am now downunder.
How I got here, is probably no small thing - at least to me.
Although it's been 3 months+ now that I've been here, it still amazes me at the timing, and the several disappointments before the final 'approval' to my being here.
It makes the being here, at this specific time, much more special.
And yes I am more than grateful.
I've been very blessed ever since I came.
Nothing difficult has occured (and I hope not really)
I am truly experiencing life abroad, I probably never thought I had the guts for, nor the chance to.
It's, new.

Everything is. Landscape, weather, the place where I hang out most, the roads, the people I meet with, the things I do now. really EVERYTHING.
But of course with 3 months and coming, some things are starting to be not-so-new.
With this change, I am more appreciative of the good stuff I have back home. At the same time, telling myself to enjoy whatever I am getting here, which may be absolutely impossible to bring back. Heh. Want a concrete example? MY CAR.

I would love to bring the car I have now back home. Of course to have one back home is sheer luxury. For now, having a car, is just great. I can go places, at whatever time I want. And the best thing is.... driving. The personal time and space to just let your mind turn blank. (don't worry. it's active enough to keep my eyes on the road and prevent an accident). Sounds like a big contradiction because, I do have quite a lot of personal space and time here. hahaha.
Yeah. Simply said, I just like driving (without the traffic jams of course).

One thing I miss? Spending time with the people who are dear to me.
If I could ship these special people over to be with me... trust me. I WOULD.
I miss having the perfect company for coffee, for meals, for movies, for just lazing around doing nothing, for talking rubbish, for spilling my heartfelt thoughts.

It's going to be the end of first semester already. In that sense, time is moving along pretty quickly. Hopefully, my next post won't be the end of 2nd semester. (: heh.

Keep going!

2008-11-29T22:58:00.004+08:00

The only thing that could be constant is change.
Bet you have heard that one before.
It doesn't take half as much effort to believe that, as to live through that.
That's for me of course.

Within hours, days, months. So much has changed.
Time waits for no man. We just have to move along.
Mooovvvveeeee.......

Just once more?

2008-08-17T23:13:00.003+08:00

Through a few instances, it's difficult to really understand why certain things happen.
I seem to have the ability to ignore, or believe what I want to believe and ignore.
Whether that came from giving the benefit of the doubt, or insisting that there is something to have spurred the mutual trust, it led on to episodes that created hurt.

Defence mechanisms are created because we have lost that turst, and we want to protect ourselves.
Of course, we earn the right to have that in place. It's actually wise to want to protect, love oneself. But yet, there is still that inkling desire to try it again once more.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from nothing to earth into Eternity

Thinking

2008-07-20T21:43:00.002+08:00

I have started thinking about things I never thought I did get down to doing.
It's funny how things just come about. How you can't run away from it.

Spending time thinking about thing isn't exactly bad. At least not until the focus goes all wrong and... makes you focus on the negative stuff (which I am so prone of doing).

As I think about things more and more, sometimes, I don't gain perspective. I become more confused. heh.

I'm 23

2008-06-01T01:22:00.002+08:00

When i was younger, people used to tell me that once you reach the twenties, time passes very fast. just blink and you did see 22-23-24-25-26... just flash past you. I think I am understanding what that actually means. I am 23.

Honestly, the chronological age of 23 seems not to carry much weight. As I look around me and think about what a 23 year old should be like, there isn't really an age limit, nor a norm to what that age carries.

I don't usually get identified as someone who's in her early twenties. Contrary to the fact that people think I would get offended because that would mean I am OLD, I take pride to the fact that I act older or rather, higher level of maturity. haha

What we do with our years is very important. The decisions we make, how we shape our lives, the growth and the personality, etc. Those are the things that determine age. Not exactly just the number of hours or days someone has roamed this earth.

Should a 23 year old be someone who's independent and able to determine what she wants in life? Or able to understand the difference between idealism and realism? Or be able to place others first before herself? Or able to love someone else so much so to enter marriage? Or able to take tough situations in her own stride? Or be able to accept injustice in an obviously unjust world?

What is it exactly that makes you - YOUR AGE?

Bad decisions

2008-05-26T23:35:00.002+08:00

In life, we make a lot of bad decisions. Although they may seem so small and insignificant. But you never know the impact of these decisions.

I know to drink or not to drink is such a simple decision. But the temptation of the bitter sweet coffee is just too difficult to resist.

Drink, and I thought I could combat the palpitations, and tremors in the hands.

Who knows that the caffeine would have turned on every trigger point in my neck.

Crap. This is a bad decision

Why you should do what you should do.

2008-04-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered -- forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives -- be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies -- succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you -- be honest and frank anyway
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight -- build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous -- be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow -- do good anyway
Give the world your best, and it may never be enough -- give the world your best anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway
~ Mother Teresa

First time in a long while.

2008-04-06T08:39:00.002+08:00

Nov 2007 was my last post. That's really long ago isn't it. almost like say 4 months.

4 months zoomed past.

Standing at this point and looking back from since 2007, I would think that, nothing much has essentially changed. I am still getting used to what people call working life. Problem with working is, the amount of choices you have compared to when studying drops. Instructions are dropped on you like directives. Even if you were to think it is stupid, or inefficient, you just have to follow along because, it's work. The situation is less predictable. And what others choose to do, or choose not to do, directly affects you.

I am still learning to cut the 24h pie into its necessary bits and pieces. I won't say that I have consistent success. The fluctuating hunger from different needs and wants makes things slightly more difficult. Just spurts of success already makes me pretty satisfied. Low expectation is the key word. ha. The current book that I am reading told me to just cut the pie and stick with it. That is a challenge. The dilemma between react and ignore is non-existent because ignorance is something I struggle to even identify.

What makes someone successful has a whole different recipe in the workplace, different also with age, different also with time and different also with each individual. To me, that success comes from just knowing that I am trotting along the right path, keeping the big guy up there pleased.

lost

2007-11-08T02:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt lost?
It's when you don't know where you are, why you are there, how you got here, and where you are getting to from there.

Probably the only positive thing is, the actual knowledge that you are lost.

But is the knowledge of knowing you are lost, something good or something bad?

And since I know I am lost. What am I still doing?

LOST!

Phew

2007-11-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

Comfort zones are not comfort zones unless they are comfortable.
And why would anyone not like comfort zones since they are comfortable?
Oh yes. there are people in this world who actually like the challenge of changes.

Moving away from comfort zones are the most punishing periods for me.
Adaptation doesn't take quite that long as the mental process of knowing that change is going to take place. Which effectively mean I am paranoial.
Yupz. I am paranoid.

Welcome to my world.
It's where the thoughts of the mind play; to cause chaos to the emotions. Crazy as it all sounds, it actually happens.
Entertaining each thought and postulating each possibility. You would almost think I have nothing else better to do with my time and energy. At the end of the day, I will turn my thoughts to prepare for impending doom.

As I step into my lion's den, I miss my comfort zone lots... But the lions are lying low, minding their own business. I must say, phew...

Long time no see

2007-10-28T21:19:00.000+08:00

I've been asked where I've been.
I've been many places, experienced many things just within this very short period of time.
Knowing that the new chapters are just unfolding before my eyes faster than I can actually grasp. Many atimes, I wish I had a 'slow play' button or even a 'pause' button.
When things just run on autopilot mode, there is just not enough time to think, to feel, to ask, to wonder, to slack. You get the idea.

With the 1440 minutes in my hands every time I open my eyes to a brand new day, I ask myself how much of it is actually within my control. There is no doubt, the freshness of being at this point of my life is pretty cool. But the freshness is not lasting long enough for me savour. The unfortunate thing is, I am not coping well with the speed at which everything is fleeting past. My balance scale is tipped. Tipped so bad, I don't know where to begin to bring it back to equilibrium. There are certain times when I would rather not want anything done. While at other points, I know I should get my lazy butt off and straighten things out.
The dilemma of it all is just simply procrastination. Crazy as it may seem, it's all an internalized struggle.

If you think I am painting an all too sombre picture, that's not exactly true. Life is still pretty fulfilling and fun. I am starting to understand things from different perspectives, experience different challenges, and the most fun so far is to have additions to my circle of friends.

You know how tough it is when you get older (unfortunately). Making good friends is not as simple. It takes that chemistry, without the airs, knowing that being who you are and what you believe, fits the mutual comfort zones. For a person like me who just adores comfort zones, you have no idea what a relief it is to me, just to know that there is no need for me to draw boundaries and watch where I am treadding.

Today I found the time to ponder for a moment, and think if all has been well. And I say with assurance that I am still sane. Still here. And this present time, the scale is slowly tipping back. I am sure it would reach equilibrium. But not without inertia.

All done

2007-05-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

It's weird.
More like... I don't know why I don't feel that exhilaration.

I thought I would feel like I am on cloud nine when I finish my paper.
But I didn't feel like that.

No matter what, it marks the end of this 3 year long journey.
No more classes, no more tutorials, lectures, practicals, exams, attachments and the list goes on.

Similarly, no more macdonald's snack every 2-3 hours, super rings, lying along the physio corridor as if it's my house, talking in class, chocolates, and all sorts of ridiculous stuff when we are supposed to be doing group discussion.

Memories. All these will now join the book of memories.

I am proud to say, that this journey comes to an end, with a smile.

YEAH!

2007-04-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

It's finally over! The final-year project presentation is done. Thanks for all who prayed and asked. It went well. God has been great.

A HUGE load off my shoulders I tell you.

Now and Then

2007-04-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

The end of school is coming.
And I can barely believe.
But these next 2 weeks will be hard work.

I remember on the first day, I asked myself how would I ever survive.
Guess what. Now I wonder why I asked that question.

Crossroads

2007-02-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

I haven't been here for a really long time.
Time really flies. Just looking at the past entries, I realised I am at a phase, where, life is about to take a bend.
The path is just reaching a crossroad. To choose which, brings anticipation and excitement but also anxiousness and fear.
I've found what it takes to walk this path. Adaptation wasn't key. Passion is.
I've found it.
This path is coming to an end. Which bend should I take?

bits of everyday

2006-12-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

Events just fly past.
It's been the attachments for the past 1 month. This time, it's slightly different cause most of my friends are overseas doing theirs. But God has been good. Things have been going well for attachment. In fact, I think the fact that my friends are away, made communication even more consistent compared to when they are around. (: And made me trust God even more to the everyday at work.

Results came back. God has been good too. No complains, I can only say that there were results unexpected. Both positively and negatively. God knows best. And He has shown it.

This year, I didn't get to go for YWAV Camp because of attachments. It was a pretty weird feeling maybe cause I didn't know what was really going on, didn't feel as involved in previous years. I watched things just unfold, feeling a little worried along the way for the rest of the leadership being short-handed and all.
Even up to the meeting before the camp, I still felt this untypical feeling. It wasn't anticipation, it wasn't worry. I can't put a finger to what it is.
SMS came to say that Joani sprained her ankle, I had no jittery feeling. In fact, I felt that it was God's way to say, we are not short-handed. We don't need to worry and source for help in this manner, leave it all to Him.
And this proved true. So true. When I went in to visit on Tuesday night to experience for myself exactly what Bell was trying to describe to me over the sms about Monday's prayer and praise. Everything wasn't like what I thought or what was planned or thought to be. There weren't many friends. It was more like a camp really to give our youths a chance to check on their faith and once again pledge their allegience. Purely that. With not our program or our theme. But with the Holy Spirit touching our hearts. Searching into the depths of it and you can almost hear God saying "I'm here YWAV."
True worship was experienced that night. It's amazing. Left me in awe of God's power.

The number of people who came for prayer affirmed the change that the ministry is having.
The only other time where there was such a good turnout was when we had the prayer before our first reach service. Difference is, I know this time they came not because they had to come to church early but rather that they wanted to come and pray. Come and meet God, fellowship in prayer with fellow believers. It's so exciting.

Besides all the ministry stuff, there was Serene's birthday surprise. heh.
It is another successful surprise added to our surprise list. (:
I'm glad we all have fun doing this for one another. heh

I have one more week of attachments. Can't wait for it to be all over! Then it's time to prepare for Christmas! Can't wait.

Simple Joy

2006-10-17T20:05:00.000+08:00

Different things make people happy. Some are really difficult to satisfy, while others have expectations so high, it's just impossible to reach.
In pursuing a career, there must be sufficent passion. If not, it will just be a plain job.
I have barely started carving out my career. But the hands-on training definitely prepares me to see what things would be like. My role, my influence, my expectations... etc.

The people I meet nowadays have very basic, simple desires. To be able to cough out phlegm, to be able to speak, to be able to sit up in bed, to be able to stand, walk, climb the stairs.

As I saw the joy in one of my patients who could finally talk, cough on her own... the sparkle in her eyes showed joy that I have yet seen in many others more blessed than her. And you can bet she was excited. She just kept talking and talking because she hasn't been heard for 2-3 months. Smile.

We placed her on a wheelchair, and let her wheel herself around the ward. The smile, the excitement, just to be able to venture beyond the boundaries of her bed was almost unbelievable. Although she had to stop countless of times due to breathlessness and weakness, the joy was plastered on her face. Nothing, absolutely nothing was going to destroy this simple joy. And I know she was delighted.

This is probably why, this job, is not just a job.

Back

2006-10-14T14:08:00.000+08:00

Haven't been around for such a long time.
Couldn't help it.
I have been sleeping at 11.30 each night! Yup you would probably have guessed. It's attachment time again. Yeah.
Seeing different patients and helping them with my PROFESSIONAL knowledge. HAHAHA.
I am supposed to be offering it.
Yesterday I saw the son of a patient scolding the nurses on attachment because of their inability to give his mother optimal attention and care. Poor things.
Hopefully in the last 1 week, I will not have such a memorable occurence.

Everything has been going smoothly. Thank God.

Saturated

2006-09-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

Sinking deeper and deeper into depression. It was the first in such a long time that I was so frustrated internally. And I just needed a reason to get stuff off my chest. Top it off with an immense lack of sleep, you definitely get one grouchy girl. I won't consider myself grouchy or difficult to please but for the last 3-4 hours I was seriously untouchable.

I bet this is accumulated. STRESS. ha. My psycho knowledge is put into good use. Yup I agree that stress just comes from me. Internally. Nobody made me feel that way. But Yeah... external factors causes the internal tension.

The one thing that kept my sanity this week was forbidden city. It was definitely a gift from not only Aunty Sally but from God. I just needed time off. And yes. It came. I enjoyed the company and the show so much. As usual, muscials and stage productions always bring back this nostalgic feeling. Its causing me to think and feel a little too much.

I definitely was looking forward to catching "Devil wears Prada" with somebody. Someone. I am desperate enough to even say something. ha. But yeah. I can't. I am hoping for a breather before the attachment starts, but somehow, things just ain't the way I planned it I guess.
I hope I will be in good shape on Monday for the attachment. I really pray that things will turn out right. Not that I would score A for it. But just to make sure that my patients are safe in my hands, no mistakes, slips, errors. (:

So many things that are in my mind, it's saturated once again.

My vision

2006-08-26T08:38:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning with a fright...

...We were given the list of postings for attachments. Guess what. My name didn't appear on that list. When I scanned down... the only trace on my name was under the category: No need to make up. When I asked my teacher, why am I not posted anywhere, he just gave his signature laughter and shrugged it off...

And I woke up. Feeling a little stunned.
I hope this doesn't mean anything.

Call it stressed, anxiety, fear, nervousness, whatever you want.
It exists.
Telling myself to place it at the foot of the cross isn't as simple when it comes to practical terms

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee, and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight
Thou my soul's shelter, and Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

High King of heaven, after victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

First presentation

2006-08-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

Our group presentation went great. Thank God. (:
One down. One more to go.
Will be at NUH tml presenting our research proposal.

Tired

2006-08-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Eyes are blurred by the constant glare of this screen.
Been working on this research literature review for the past week.
Pretty tired working on it. Not mentally but physically.

Night lessons have started
Every Thursday and Friday night.
Had Saturday lessons today too.

I am tired.